Mr. Angry dazzled the crowds at the Moaning Cow public house by arriving in his new S505 Mercedes chauffeur driven car. They loved the wording on the side: ‘Sponsored by Aberdeen Asset Management’. They applauded him all the way to the lectern and waited while he drank three pints of Austrian lager and five whiskey chasers.
“Friends” he cried. “I, Mr. Independent Financial Adviser, Angry want to tell you about my new stance on business morality.”
“Where’s the 2013 holiday club money, you drunk?” shouted the man playing the one armed bandit.
“I wish to announce that I reject all forms of incentives and so I am unique amongst Britain’s IFAs.”
“This is wonderful Mr. Angry” said a lady in the third row. “I was reading this week that the Financial Conduct Authority is banning all forms of junkets. They mentioned hotel jollies called training weekends.”
“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “The Hilton, Park Lane are on the phone. They have confirmed that you will get a luxury double room, sponsored by Fidelity Fund Managers, for the school weekend.”
“And where are the 2012 Christmas hampers you promised, you crook?” yelled the man on the fruit machine.”
“I, Mr. IFA Angry have committed myself to the FCA’s Retail Distribution Review. We must clean up my industry. Can I also thank Mrs. Irene Brown for her cheque for £100,000 for investing in the Australian Ostrich Farm project. I will be flying out soon to inspect the animals.”
“Mr. Angry” shouted Rita the bar maid. “Welbeck Financial Services are on the phone. Your tickets for the Ryder Cup have arrived.”
“My integrity is my password” cried the financial adviser.
“Mr. Angry” yelled Rita the bar maid. “The FCA is on the phone. Would you call in and help their investigators. You seem to know more fiddles than any other IFA. Er…Mr. Angry…”