Mr. Champagne Angry delivers….

The applause from the Bank Holiday crowd at the Moaning Cow public house, following the address given by their hero Mr. Angry, rang out as his followers were filled with admiration.

“I, Mr Krug, Bollinger Angry, have defeated the retail monsters on behalf of you, the ordinary people of this country.”

“Who are you calling common, you drunk?” shouted the man at the fruit machine.

Mr. Angry finished his fifth pint of Australian lager and then proceeded to read out a newspaper article featuring the supermarket giant Sainsbury’s. They have selected just 53 of their 1,000 nationwide branches to house their innovative Champagne Stores. These will sell the more expensive lines of bubbly and malts.

“I, Mr. Dom Perignon…”

“We’ve heard all that Angry. What are you doing for us?”

“I have been to the headquarters of Sainsbury’s and met with their Chairman. I have negotiated an exclusive distribution contract which means that everybody locally can buy their champagne from the stores down the road.

The yells filled the lounge and Mrs. Angry dropped her bingo cards in all the excitement.

“What is even better is that there will be only one of these stores in Scotland.”

A drinker wearing a kilt began to move towards the speaker.

“And none in Wales.”

The patriotic cheers rang out.

“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “It’s the Chairman of Sainsbury’s on the phone. “You misheard him when he was explaining your contract. You’ll be distributing campaign stores material when they introduce a minimum price for alcohol….er  Mr. Angry.”

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