Mr. Angry’s tax avoidance scheme

 Mr. Angry looked stunning in his gold lame top, black trousers and multiple medallions around his neck.

He was addressing his adoring followers with a fantastic business proposal delivered during his lunchtime speech at the Moaning Cow public house.

“Friends” he cried “tax avoidance is not illegal.”

“You should know” yelled the man at the fruit machine.

“And I, Mr. Goldfinger, Midas Angry, have a plan which will save you all thousands of pounds of tax.”

“When can I have my cheque?” asked the lady sitting with Mrs. Angry who was painting her nails in metallic gold.

“That’s my point. Rick Pegg, the leader of the Liberal Democrats, is going to tax you all on your heirlooms. Tax inspectors will be sweeping into your homes to value your rings, necklaces, paintings and all your family treasures.”

“Oh. I do hope that they wipe their feet on the hall mat” cried Mrs. Angry.

“It’s call a ‘wealth levy’ because MPs want a pay rise and only Nadine Dorries has been able to increase her earnings.”

“But how does your scheme work Mr. Angry?” asked a disciple.

“I have formed Angry Trinkets LLP” He paused to drink his sixth pint of Australian lager. “You deposit with me all your valuables. I GUARANTEE to look after them and then, when you want to use them, I simply pop round to your house and lend them to you. It’s £5 an item per year. When the tax inspectors enter your house they’ll find nothing.”

“It’s a brilliant idea Mr. Angry” said a man in the second row. “I’ll bring all my wife’s jewellery round to you tonight. You promise you’ll look after them?”

“My second name is Mr. Fidelity Angry. Trust me.”

“Mr. Angry” shouted Rita the bar maid. “Albemarle and Bond are on the phone. They said that they’ve enough gold items now but could you find them some more silver.”

 

Tony Drury

Twitter:   @mrtonydrury

 

 

 

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