Mr. Angry to stand at Eastleigh

“I’m not one to score points at another person’s misfortune” roared Mr Angry at the Sunday lunchtime gathering of his adoring fans. The walls of the Moaning Cow public house shook with applause. “But the by-election at Eastleigh allows me, Mr. Winston, Thatcher, Blair Angry, to stand for the Enterprise Party and my friends, I will win.”

“But the polls show that it’s neck and neck between the Conservations and the Liberal Democrats” cried the man by the fruit machine.

“That was before I entered the contest” cried Mr. Angry. “As the ‘Daily Star’ said “I am a colossus.”

“What is your manifesto Mr. Angry?” asked a lady in the front row.

“I’m drinking the German lager thank you.” He wiped his mouth. “Now let’s look at the opposition. The Lib-Dems are calling the Conservative candidate “a crackpot”, Nigel Farage is too scared to stand and the Lib-Dems are so damaged by Vicky Price claiming Nick Clegg was her lover.”

“So what does your Enterprise Party stand for Mr. Angry?”

“Enterprise. Cut corporation tax to 30%. Reduce VAT to 25%. Reduce capital gains tax to 30%.” He drank his drink. “This is enterprise at its best” he cried.

“What about Europe?” shouted a supporter.

“Well done the Conservative leader Ed Miliband in getting a budget reduction. Great negotiating.”

“But the MEPs are going to over-ride the cuts in the European Parliament Mr. Angry.”

“That’s why you should vote for me Mr. Pious, Saint- Angry. I’ll bring integrity back to politics.”

“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “The police are on the phone. The photograph showing Mrs. Angry carrying six bottles of whiskey out of Tesco seems to have been tampered with….”

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