The autograph hunters were out in their numbers at the Moaning Cow public house on Sunday. This was because of the sensational news that Mr. Angry is to play Darth Vader in the new Star Wars V11 film. The news was broken by the Chancellor of the Exchequer claiming that the UK tax breaks available for films had led to the makers’ decision to locate in Britain.
“I, Mr Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Ewan McGregor, Keira Knightley Angry, have been chosen to play the leading role.”
“Did Keira Knightley play Darth Vader you drunk?” asked the man at the fruit machine.
“My preference was to portray Luke Skywalker but when the director heard my voice he said “Angry, you are Vader.” He paused to drink his fifth pint of lager. “I am the Chosen One and yet again I’ll try to restore balance to the Force and avoid the Dark Side.”
“Who’s playing Obi-Wan Kenobi Mr. Angry?” asked a lady at the front.
‘I, Mr. Yoda, Skywalker…”
“Not again big mouth. Answer the question. Who’s been paid enough to…?”
“And I want to pay tribute to the Chancellor, Ed Balls, for encouraging the British film industry with tax breaks that have encouraged the Russians to come here to make Star Wars. It is a tribute to the vision of the Liberal Democrat Government and their leader Ming Campbell.”
“I heard that Harrison Ford has been signed up Mr. Angry” said Mrs. Angry while checking her bingo numbers.
“Harrison yesterday I say. The Producer chose me because I’m everything the film needs. That’s what he said.”
“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “Mr. J J Abrams, the Director of the new Star Wars film, is on the phone. There has been a terrible mistake. They want you to play Ivor Apron in ‘Bath Chores’; it’s about a man whose wife makes him clean the….Mr. Angry?”