Mr. Angry to appear on £5 notes

Even by his own high standards the announcement made by Mr. Angry to his followers at the Moaning Cow public house, on the rain swept Sunday lunchtime, was staggering.

“I, Mr. Thatcher, Wellington, Nelson, Montgomery Angry.”

“Get on with it you drunk” shouted the man playing the fruit machine. He finished his fifth pint of Austrian lager and the third of his whisky chasers.

“Wish to tell you that from 2016 it will be my face that will appear on the new British five pound note. I have spoken to the Governor of the Bank of England, Mr Shark Barney, himself.”

“But Mr. Angry. It’s Winston who they’ve chosen” said a lady in the third row.

“No, no, no, as the great Maggie said. Winston will upset the Germans and affect our EU relationships. The Germans think he was responsible for us winning the Second World War when we all know that the Americans won it.”

The jeers rang out and the OAPs waved their union jacks.

“But last week you said that you agreed with that MP Adam Afriyie that the EU Referendum should be held before the next election” said a man in the third row.

“That was seven days ago. Now I have risen to the challenge to prevent Winston appearing on our bank notes.”

“But Mr. Angry, he’s the greatest ever wartime leader” said Mrs. Angry “and did you know that they’re putting Jane Austen on the £10 notes from 2017.”

“No Mrs. Angry. The Governor has agreed that you will be shown. I told him how you take the washing in every week.”

“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “The Governor of the Bank of England is on the phone. He says you misled him. He says you did not win the battle of El Alamein. That was Montgomery. Er…Mr. Angry.”

Note: It has been reported that the former Governor of Bank of England, Sir Mervyn King, had doubts about showing Sir Winston Churchill on our £5 notes because it might upset the Germans. Similarly Jane Austen had been rejected because of concerns over her background.

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