Mr. Angry sues ‘The Times’

The sparse crowd at The Moaning Cow public house were baffled by the outburst from their hero. They realised that he was on his eighth pint of Australian lager and was holding a whiskey chaser. Nevertheless they were unprepared for his attack on ‘The Times’ newspaper.

“I, Mr. Wilberforce, Murdock, Maxwell, Lord Leveson Angry believe in the freedom of the press. It is the backbone of our democracy.”

“Get on with it you drunk” shouted the man at the fruit machine.

“But I am forced to tell you that this week the Editor has let the country down.”

“What’s worrying you Mr. Angry?” asked the lady holding Mrs Angry’s ball of wool.

“I am staggered that a reader’s letter submitted by my alter ego Tony Drury was not published.”

There was a howl of protests and tens of twitter messages hit the airways.

“It was a brilliant piece of writing. I phoned the labour leader Mince Fable immediately and told him about it.”

“What did he say Mr. Angry?” asked a man in the third row.

“He was out at bingo but I know he would have been mad.”

“Mr. Angry” shouted Rita the bar maid. “The Times’ newspaper is on the phone. They say that your correspondence is perhaps the worst they’ve ever received…Mr. Angry?”

 

Tony Drury (letter shown below)

The Editor

The Times 

By email: letters@thetimes.co.uk  

Dear Sir   

Early in 2005 I attended a Conservative Campaign Headquarters election breakfast. The occasion was the introduction of Lynton Crosby as the saviour of the Party. He lectured the audience of Peers and senior personnel (and me) on his policies and clearly demonstrated that he had no intention of listening to anybody. When he indicated that I could ask him a question I referred to the current policies and suggested that financial management might impress the voters. He replied, verbatim, as follows:

“I believe the British people are tired of the economy.”   

It is possible that he was involved in the sacking of Howard (now Lord) Flight as MP for Arundel and South Downs. The local party was ignored The distinguished City figure’s crime had been, in a private meeting of Conservative Way Forward (where he was filmed), to suggest that the Conservatives should propose deeper cuts in Government spending.

Michael (now Lord) Howard lost the election winning 198 seats against Tony Blair’s 355.

In May 2012 Lynton Crosby helped Boris Johnson struggle to a narrow victory in the London Mayor election. There are some who believe that Ken Livingstone is the only man alive who could have lost that election for Labour.

I attended a recent constituency garden party. The Conservative inner circle are so far adrift from their membership that they have clearly decided that Crosbyspeak is their only hope.

David Cameron has a continuing and regrettable ability to back the wrong person. Perhaps he should remember that the early Australian settlers arrived in prison ships.

Yours faithfully

Tony Drury

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