The applause rang out as Mr. Angry devoted the whole of his Sunday lunchtime speech, at the Moaning Cow public house, to a wholesale criticism of the judiciary service.
He was referring to reports that a senior judge had hauled executives from Serco, the private security company, and made them apologise for delays in transferring prisoners from the cells to court hearings. This had meant judges were kept waiting. One of the reasons for the delays is that the Serco guards insist on taking a full hour for their lunch. Serco is paid £42m annually for the services it provides.
“I, Mr. Wilberforce, Pankhurst, Lincoln Angry, believe that prisoners should be treated properly. Therefore as a client of Serco I say it’s right that we have an hour for lunch. If the judge has to wait so be it.”
“But what about Serco’s record at Thameside jail in South London?” cried the man at the fruit machine. “The HM Inspectorate of Prisons said it had been put in ‘lockdown’ because of violence between the inmates.”
“Minor scratches and only five went to hospital.” Mr. Angry drank his sixth pint of lager. “I, Mr. Compassionate, God fearing…”
“Not again Big Mouth. What about Justice Secretary Chris Grayling’s decision to call for an emergency audit of the Serco contract?” cried the man in the third row.
“The Prime Minister Ed Cable is right to outsource these services so cutting Government debt caused by the last Labour Chancellor George Alistair Brown.”
Mr. Angry looked around at his disciples.
“But I say we at Serco must be treated properly and the judge must allow us an hour for our lunch.”
“Mr. Angry” cried out Rita the bar maid. “The judge is on the phone. Your protest has been rejected because as you were actually a prisoner in the van you have no rights. Er…Mr. Angry…?