Mr. Angry is THE stalking horse

Few regulars at the Sunday drinking session in the Moaning Cow public house will ever forget the moment. Mr. Angry was at his Churchillian best.

“Friends” he cried. “I, Montgomery Patton Angry announce…”

“It was Roosevelt last week Mr. Angry” said a lady on the third row.

“I, Montgomery Patton Roosevelt Angry announce today, here and now, that I’m the real stalking horse. It’s time Cameron was dust. I have 46 MPs writing to the Chairman of the 1922 Committee calling for a vote of no-confidence.”

“Is one of them Red Ed Mr. Angry?” asked the man at the fruit machine.”

“Ed Miliband is history. He failed to call for the EU referendum now. He funked his moment. I, Montgomery er…Angry know that destiny calls me. My hour has come.”

“You said that during the Falklands crisis Mr. Angry” said Mrs. Angry without interrupting her knitting.

“No. Not true. I was happy for our great leader Edward Heath to win that war.”

“So what are you going to do for us when you become Prime Minister Mr Angry?”

“I’ll reduce VAT to 22.5%, I’ll give child benefit to all childless couples, I’ll introduce a mansion tax so anybody with a house pays 50% tax, I’ll scrap the civil service and I’ll make the minimum price for alcohol 10p.”

The applause rang out for many minutes as Mr. Angry imagined going to Windsor Castle to see Prince Philip as leader of the Government.”

“Will you keep the Prime Minister in the Government Mr. Angry?” asked a thoughtful spectator.”

“Yes, I Roosevelt..er…Angry am a forgiving man. He’ll be Minister for Overseas Aid. He’ll be based in…er…Australia.”

“Mr. Angry” shouted Rita the bar maid “the Conservative Party are on the phone. Apparently in 1996 you were given a lifetime membership ban for daubing ‘Major is a pillock’ on the local Conservative office front door.”

“I’ve never liked Liberal Democrats” cried Mr. Angry.

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