Never before have his adoring followers heard Mr. Angry speak at his Sunday lunchtime spot with greater impact than today.
“I, Mr. Punch Taverns, Greene King, Enterprise Inns Angry, have been appointed by the Business Secretary, Mince Fable, to be the Head of the new pub industry regulator.”
“But Mr. Angry, the OFT investigated the industry in 2009 and found that tied tenancies are able to compete and the industry is fair to both landlord and tenants” cried the man at the fruit machine.
“Silence. The Regulator is speaking. Mince has instructed me to impose a code of conduct on the industry.”
“Covering what?” asked a man in the third row.
“In future all questions will be address to ‘Mr. Regulator’ but I’ll treat this as an exception. The code will cover: how companies will run themselves, appoint an adjudicator for tenants and a form of price controls.”
“Er…Mr. Nebucanezzar…will it speed up the service here. I’ve had to wait ten minutes for my gin and tonic” posed a lady sitting with Mrs. Angry who was checking the Lottery numbers from last night.
“I, Mr. Peerage elect, Important Person, Angry always get my priorities right. That is why the PM Boris Jackson backed my appointment. The first job is to collect my new BMW 500 delux car and to secure my offices in Park Lane to cope with the expected 74 staff.”
“Mr. Regulator” asked a man by the door. “How will you measure your performance. How will the Business Secretary tell if you’re doing a good job?”
“Simple. I shall agree to anything the industry wants.”
“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “The Business Secretary is on the phone. There’s been a terrible mistake. He meant to say that your application to be a pub Bingo caller has been accepted subject to police checks. Er…Mr. Angry…”