There were cries of dismay and tears shed as drinkers at the Sunday lunchtime gathering at the Moaning Cow Public House watched the pathetic sight. Mrs. Angry was in handcuffs and had a paper bag over her head. A small slit had been cut through which a straw led from a bottle of slim line tonic water into her parched throat.
“Let her go, you b*****d” shouted the man at the fruit machine.
“I, Mr. Mother Teresa, St Joan, Wilberforce Angry am doing this to help my beloved Mrs. Angry” he shouted.
“Will she be able to make bingo tonight?” asked her friend.
“Mrs. Angry is revealed in today’s ‘Sunday Times’ as being an excessive drinker.”
“I read that article” cried a man in the second row. “It says research by CACI says that wealthy women living in exclusive areas have drink problems. The national average is 28.9% of women who drink above the daily limit of three units. In Hampstead it is 66%. In Altringham it’s 42%.”
“What is worse” continued Mr. Angry “is that it can lead to mental illness and depression. It starts with home drinking which is why Mrs. Angry now lives in the cellar.”
He paused to drink his fifth pint of strong Australian lager.
“That is why the Prime Minister Ed Miliband and the Home Secretary Nadine Dorries are right to try to impose a minimum price for alcohol. What humanity. What social conscious attitudes. It makes me proud to be European.”
“Take your ‘I love Nigel F’ badge off you hypocrite” shouted a woman holding Mrs Angry’s trembling hand.
“Mr. Angry” shouted Rita the bar maid. “The doctor’s been on the phone. The waiting list for your liver transplant operation is five years which he says is too late. Mr. Angry….???”