“It is wrong” cried Mr. Angry during his Sunday lunchtime address to his disciples at the Moaning Cow public house “that Britain is judged by a motoring organisation. “I ask you my friends. How can the AA judge our financial health?”
“I think we’ve broken down Mr. Angry” cried the man at the fruit machine.
“The situation requires leadership from a man of decision. That is me, Mr. Standard & Poor, Moody, Fitch Angry.”
“How do you rate my Cornish Pasty?” shouted a man in the second row.
“Neigh out of ten” responded a wit.
“This is not the time for childish humour my brothers. This nation is in crisis. The Chancellor Ed Balls will lose his job. We must take action which is why I, Mr. Standard & …..”
“We’ve heard all that Mr. Angry” shouted Mrs. Angry as she spilt her treble brandy and lost her place in ‘Bingo for Beginners.’
“I wish to announce that today I have formed the Angry Credit Rating agency. I’ve spoken to the Governor who said I’m very welcome.”
“Which prison was that Mr. Angry?” asked an onlooker.
“In future the world’s money markets will have a rating that they can rely on, that they can trust. My first assessment of the British economy will be announced shortly.”
“What criteria are you using?” questioned a fellow drinker.
“There are ten: the price of a pint of lager, the cost of diesel, the pay-out rate of the nation’s fruit machines, whether Simon Cowell is happy…all the things that show the health of the UK.”
“But why are you doing this Mr. Angry?”
“Because I… err…Mr. Angry, believe nobody in this country should live in fear of the credit rating agencies.”
“Mr. Angry” shouted Rita the bar maid “Experian have been on the phone. Your personal credit rating has been downgraded to minus 220. They say….Mr. Angry?”