In what is being called the greatest speech of his political career Mr. Angry had the Sunday lunchtime drinkers on their feet. Never had his adoring disciples at the Moaning Cow public house listened to such brilliant oratory.
“My friends” cried the inspired thinker. “Cameron is dead meat. Osborne is finished. Britain needs a new leader. And I, Mr. Gladstone Disraeli Angry, name that person.”
“Who is it?” yelled the man at the fruit machine.
“Eric Joyce MP” announced Mr. Angry.”He’s Labour for Falkirk which is in Wales. They’ll win the next election. Hugh Grant has ordered it. So let’s get Britain moving now. Eric Joyce for PM.”
The roof caved in as the applause hit the skies.
“Isn’t he wonderful” said Mrs. Angry handing her husband his fifth pint and whiskey chaser.
“But Eric Joyce has been banned from all the bars in Westminster Mr. Angry” shouted a man in the third row.
“Exactly. He’ll be one of the few MPs who is sober.”
“But he hits people Mr. Angry.”
“Just what Ed Balls needs. Useless shadow Lib-Dem chancellor.”
“But Mr. Angry. There’s a report out today about the shock rise in dementia due to excess alcohol consumption. There’s a 150% rise in hospital admissions for people over 60 with behavioural and mental disorders linked to alcohol.”
“That’s why Eric Joyce should be PM. He’ll understand these issues. None of this minimum price per unit nonsense. I’ve spoken to Mr. Joyce We understand each other. He bought me a drink.”
“But Mr. Angry. Mr. Joyce is rather aggressive of his own admission.”
“No. I understand him. We are blood brothers and misunderstood. I, Mr. ….
“Yeah, We’ve heard all that” said a man at the door.
“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “Alcoholics Anonymous are on the phone. You are late for your anger management lesson.”