“I’m the new Disraeli” announces Mr. Angry

The mass crowds at the Moaning Cow public house gasped as their hero revealed new depths of intellect.

“I, Mr. Benjamin, Boris, Andy Murray Angry announce that the British press have realised that I’m the Conservative leader everybody wants.” He paused to drink his fifth pint of strong Australian lager and his third whisky chaser.

“The PM, Tom Watson, must resign. His deputy Ed Unite is history. The future is me, Mr. Lincoln…”

“Get on with it you drunk” shouted the man at the fruit machine. “What have you got in common with Disraeli?”

“I can answer that” said a man in the third row. “Disraeli married for money, he invented an ancestry which was untrue, he was permanently in debt and he wrote trashy novels.”

“He was in Parliament for forty years, twice as PM” said a lady in the front row.

“I, Mr. One Nation Angry will…

“He never said that Mr. Angry” cried Mrs. Angry who paused from her knitting. “He was a champion of adversarial politics. I told you all this last night when you were washing your socks.”

“Douglas Hurd’s new book says that Boris Johnson is the new Disraeli” shouted a supporter from the back. “As always Mr. Angry you are telling us porkies.”

“No. No me. Mr. Honesty,…”

“Mr. Angry” yelled Rita the bar maid. “Boris Johnson is on the phone. He says that he wants you to be in the next Government. He suggests you become High Commissioner in the Falklands…er… Mr. Angry.” 

‘Disraeli or The Two Lives’ by Douglas Hurd & Edward Young. Weidenfeld & Nicolson.

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