‘I’m not stressed’ claims Mr. Angry

The lunchtime crowd at the Moaning Cow public house was staggered by the tension and vitriol of Mr. Angry’s lunchtime address to his followers.

“Shut up and listen” he yelled. “I, Mr. Warburg, Rockefeller, Oppenheim, Coutts Angry.”

“Get on with it, you drunk” shouted the man playing the fruit machine.

“Don’t scream at me you pathetic person” retorted Mr. Angry as he drank his fifth pint of German lager and ordered three more whisky chasers.

“I reject any suggestion that I am stressed. Be quiet and listen to me. As a banker…”

“Did you say “banker”, you drunk” continued the man at the fruit machine.

“Police, have that man removed.”

“Mr. Angry” said Mrs. Angry as she checked her bingo numbers “the police won’t come here since you assaulted them and then claimed under the Human Rights Act against them.”

“As a senior bank official in our community.”

“Which bank is that?” asked a lady in the third row.

“The Angry pay-day loans bank” he answered before stamping his foot.

“No more interruptions. I have much to say. It is the Bank of England who is responsible for high interest rates.”

“Mr. Angry” cried Rita the bar maid. “The doctor’s just been on the phone. Your bed in the Priory Clinic has been cancelled. Apparently none of the nurses are willing to have you back. Er…Mr. Angry?”

Note. A report by Swiss-based global financial union, UNI Finance, found that 80% of the world’s 26 banking and finance unions are citing deteriorating health as a problem for its members. Last week it was announced that Sir Hector Sants, former head of the FSA and now at Barclays Bank, was taking time off with stress-related illness.

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