“I am Wilbur Smith” announces Mr. Angry

The lunchtime crowd at the Moaning Cow public houses gasped as their hero made a dramatic announcement.

“I, Mr. Shakespeare, Dickens, Tennyson, JK Rowling Angry, must tell you that I’m destined to become one the world’s greatest writers.”

“Tennyson was a poet, you drunk” shouted the man at the fruit machine.

Mr. Angry finished his fifth pint of German lager and started on his whisky chasers.

“I have today signed a contract to write the next six books for Mr. Wilbur Smith.”

“’When the Lion Feeds’ is one of the greatest books ever written Mr. Angry” said Mrs Angry without taking her eyes off her knitting. “It’s the story of Sean Courtney and the discovery of diamonds in South African.”

“I know that Mrs. Angry. I wrote the book and Willy, my mate, put his name to it.”

“You’re referring to the announcement that Wilbur Smith is now 80 years old and has signed a contract with HarperCollins worth £15 million. He will provide story lines but somebody else will write the books” said the man in the third row.

“That’s the press story. What happened” continued Mr. Angry “was that Willy said to me that if Tom Clancy, James Patterson and Clive Cussler can do it, why should he not have a ghost writer?”

“I heard that he wanted to spend more time with Niso, his wife, who he picked up in a book shop in Sloan Square. She’s 39 years younger than him” shouted out a woman in the rear of the pub.

“His new book ‘Vicious Circle’ is out soon” said Mr. Angry. “Of course I wrote that one as well.”

“Mr. Angry” cried out Rita the bar maid. “Mr. Wilbur Smith is on the phone. He’s torn up your contract. He says that Mills and Boon are unable to supply a reference. Apparently you gave a new meaning to the word ‘erotica’…er Mr. Angry.”

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