Dave: we’re breaking up!

As the Coalition Government lurches onwards with zero growth and little else the Prime Minister is managing to break up three groups:


a) Depressed people: stress and depression is now reaching epidemic proportions as the latest figures show prescriptions for antidepressants and sleeping pills have increased by 28%. More than 43 million prescriptions were dispensed in the last year for depression, 6.5 million for sleeping pills and 10.2 million for sleeping pills.

The UK must be the only country in the world where tax-payers money is being used to create a National Happiness Index in the light of these findings.


b) The National Health Service: the PM’s five pledges, made in June 2011, must be rivalling Neville Chamberlain’s piece of paper. To remind you Dave pushed the Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley, to one side and said:

1) “We will not break up or hinder suffrage. We will make sure it remains the National Health Service.”

2) “We will not break up or hinder efficient and integrated care – we will improve it.”

3) “We will not lose control of waiting times – we will ensure they are kept low.”

4) “We will not cut spending on the NHS – we will increase it.”

5) “We will not sell off the NHS.”

The latest scandal to hit the NHS is a report from the Healthcare Commission suggesting doctors’ out-of-hours services are failing local needs. This is one of the reasons why A&E departments are being stretched to breaking point by a surge in emergency admissions among the over-eighties age group.

Doctors themselves are already moaning about the extra demands being made on them by the formation of the clinical commissioning groups.

But is that true?  Reports indicate that GPs are being paid an hourly rate of £115 to attend these meetings. Some get travel expenses. This is on top of their six figure salaries.


c) The United Kingdom

‘The Times’ Briton of the year 2011 was Alex Salmond, the first minister and leader of the Scottish National Party (“SNP”).  It is reported that the SNP are proposing to hold a referendum on Scottish independence on the anniversary of the battle of Bannockburn which, in the autumn of 1314, saw Robert the Bruce send Edward’s II army back to England.

Meanwhile in Wales Dave’s close friend Cheryl Gillan, the Welsh Secretary, has made a ludicrous attack on their First Minister Carwyn Jones. She has accused him of pursuing “his own foreign policy over Europe.” She has suggested that Wales wants a ‘slate curtain’ between Wales and the rest of the UK.

Carwyn Jones wants direct negotiations between Wales and Europe.

Why do you that is, Mr. Cameron?

The United Kingdom will break up, the NHS is already well on the way to splitting into privatised services and the depressed and poor sleepers will continue to take their pills.

Dave will put Cheryl on the head and continue to think that he was really the Briton of the Year.

It’s just that nobody else agrees.


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