I, Horacio Nelson Mountbatten Angry and Mrs. Freda Angry salute you and your Escort Prince Phil on the occasion of your Silver Jubilee. We hope you enjoy your trip down the River Seven. Mrs. Angry would watch you on the TV but she’s behind with her washing and we need the money.
People who know me (I have a fan club at ‘The Moaning Cow’ pub) would say I talk straight. So Majesty. I’m not happy with you. It’s my understanding that under our constitution you sign all our laws.
Well Majesty, you and Phil are taking things a bit easy. According to my latest intelligence (‘The Sun’), under David Cameroon, the number of new laws has fallen to its lowest level for ten years. Acts of Parliament and statutory instruments fell to 1,727 last year, down by 8%. It gets worse Majesty. In 2011 the changes to existing legislation fell by 16%.
Majesty, you and Phil work so hard for our country and your strange son talks to lots of flowers. But the truth is my country has become a nation of scroungers who want a lot and do nothing to earn it.
We need lots more laws. Anybody who does not work for more than two months should go to prison. That means all the MPs will have to be locked up because they only go to Westminster to claim their expenses six out of every twelve months.
If the new laws don’t work then Majesty I suggest you follow the advice of your Great Grand Mother, the Queen of Hearts. She got it right in her ‘Adventures in Wonderland’.
“Off with their heads” she cried.
PS. Please don’t phone in the mornings because I’m finding it’s taking longer to collect my benefits cheques.