Regulars at the Moaning Cow public house are used to stunning announcements from Mr. Angry. However, his proclamation, made after punching a fellow drinker for pinching his pork scratchings, made at Sunday lunchtime amazed even the most hardened Angry fan.
“I am returning to school” he yelled as the karaoke singer ploughed her way through Lady Gaga numbers (Mrs. Angry’s favourite is ‘Judas’).
“But Eton has closed its book this term” cried Rita the barmaid.
“I’ve enrolled at the London School of Economics to study metalwork” he yelled.
“But Mr. Angry” cried a fellow drinker “you’re over sixty years old.”
“I’m a mature student” retorted Mr. Angry. “You’ll all laugh on the other side of your face when the cheque comes through.”
“What money Mr. Angry” asked Rita.
“My tycoon StartUp loan of £10,000.”
“Your what, Mr. Angry?!”
“The Business Secretary Wince Drabble announced them this week. A student entrepreneurship body called NACUE will manage the applications together with a finance firm GLE Group.”
“Do you have to repay it Mr. Angry?”
“Well in theory “yes” and the rate of interest is 6% pa over three years. No wonder these people get such big bonuses.”
“I read the article Mr. Angry. You have to be between 18 and 24 and the process takes eight weeks. It says it will be rigorous. You have to submit a business plan and there are mentors available. The process ends with a pitch to a panel.”
“Hells bells I get more in benefits over eight weeks” mused Mr. Angry. “I think I’ll forget it.
“Richard Branson is involved” cried an onlooker.
“Oh well. My business is going to be called Virgin Airlines. Perhaps I will apply.”