It is with regret that I must tell you that Mr. Angry has suffered a serious mental breakdown and has decamped to Butlins for three months. So pleased were the Social Services to get rid of him that they’ve arranged to pay his benefits payments direct into his bank account at Coutts and Co.
What caused this desperate state of affairs? Of course Mr. Angry is very concerned about the economy and already has three applications ready for the 1 August when the Government’s ‘Funding for Lending’ scheme starts. He thinks that some of the $80bn available will ideally underpin his new consultancy for out of work backbench Conservative MPs (CEO: Jesse Norman MP), a series of clinics for those suffering from stress (CEO: D. Cameron) and a travel business for those Olympic visitors who, after four weeks in London, still can’t find their hotel.
But Mr. Angry is made of stern stuff. However the news that floored him was the appointment of the new General Secretary of the Trades Union Congress.
“It must be Red Ed” he cried while selling replica Olympic flames at The Moaning Cow public house.
When told he has a job (he’s leader of the Labour Party in case you missed that) he suggested Ed Balls. However Mr. Angry accepts that Ed (two) is dedicated to making George’s life a complete misery.
“Who is Frances O’Grady?” he screamed when his minder told him the news. “That’s a man’s name’”
Not in this case Mr. Angry. Frances is aged 52, lives in North London and has two adult children. She has held various positions at the TUC including fighting for equal rights for part timers, structuring industrial strategy following the financial crash and the fight for the abolition of the Agricultural Wages Board. She previously worked for the Transport and General Workers Union.
“But what do The Brothers think?” asked Mr. Angry.
His policy adviser told him that membership of the TUC has halved since 1980 and now has only 6.1 million members. Ms Grady is seen as a moderate.
“The jury’s out as far I’m concerned. Hell, I’m supposed to be getting Mrs. Angry a new handle for her mangle.”