What I wouldn’t do for sex on the beach

I think I know what you’re thinking and you’re quite wrong.

As you know I’m referring to the well known and delicious cocktail, rather than any form of nocturnal activity involving sand…

I’m on holiday and very enjoyable it is, too.  Sun, sea, sand and all the usual sort of stuff; including a wonderful offer to have a free day’s All Inclusive fun at the neighbouring hotel, just so we can experience what they have to offer and maybe next year, come back and stay with them, rather than courtesy of Marriott.


So, we turned up at 8.00am, free pass in hand and were given our arm bands and shown to the breakfast room where we were joined by Troy our ‘host’ for a little tour of the establishment.

Now, I have to say, this didn’t come as a great surprise to us, as there is no such thing as a free lunch (or, indeed, breakfast) and we didn’t mind the sales pitch, ‘cos we knew we weren’t buying.

So, Troy was very good, if a little predictable and we got to the point of saying ‘no’ for the first time before he waved over Arturo, his manager who was ‘authorised’ to offer us a better deal.  Out came the sales clichés, all the way through to one of the best attempted closing questions I’ve ever heard: ‘So, which one of you has the neatest handwriting?’


Still ‘no’, I’m afraid.

‘Oh, well, we tried… I’m going to hand you over Luis who will issue your day pass…’

Enter Luis.

What fun we had with him.  Sales cliché after sales cliché followed, even as far as: ‘I can’t offer you any better package but, because I want you to book, I’m going to even though I’m going to get in trouble…’


It went on a bit longer with the package on offer slowly getting better and better and Luis getting the point that he thought there was a sniff of a sale (my wife was doing the talking and most of the refusing and was leading him on an absolute treat).  Finally he turned to me and said, ‘who is it who makes the decisions in your family?’


And then he asked me: ‘What is it you do for a living?’

‘I’m a Sales Trainer.’

‘I’ll get you your day passes… I hope you enjoy your stay.’

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