I owe it all to Dave who is hoping to become the husband of the next prime minister of the United Kingdom. SamCam the Bold is ready to assume power.
When he was in line to become PM, Dave, and his little friend George, decided to offer married couples a tax incentive. “What a wheeze” announced their Etonian friends.
But purely by chance they have hit on a way to radically enhance Enterprise Britain, revitalising our communities and paying off some of Gordon’s National Debt.
“How?” you ask.
By passing the “Copulation Restriction (Amendment) Act 2010.
Basically the Act will state that it is only allowed to have sexual relations on Saturday afternoons, Sundays and Bank Holidays.
Perhaps Ann Widdecombe will propose the bill and Dennis Skinner second it.
“Will it work?” you cry.
A recent survey of the sex lives of 3,000 middle-aged and elderly volunteers produced two interesting conclusions:
a) 75% of those in their late fifties and early sixties were still sexually active.
b) This meant having sex with their partners at least two to three times a month.
This is outrageous and it has taken Dave to realise the problem. What a waste of the nation’s energies.
By banning sex all those energetic fifty and sixty year-olds will have to find something else – and my belief is that they will form businesses such as On-line dating agencies, medical supplies inc. and top shelf magazine direct. com.
The dire phoney election continues apace and the three main parties vie with each other to offer meaningless manifestoes which will have little effect on anything.
There is good news however. My belief is that there is a massive human element in the recovery phase. Governments can do what they like but if recession is a retreat from excess (which it is) then recovery follows because millions of people return to value creation ie. earning one’s salary or running a business more efficiently. Government expenditure (despite the headlines) is under huge pressure: ask the medical world where doctors face draconian restrictions on expenditure. That is what recession and recovery is about (aka Drury’s law).
An example was offered to me last Friday. My daughter-in-law’s mother works for a travel agency on the business desk. Nine months ago the staff was asked to take a 5% salary cut. Nearly all agreed. Last Friday the company announced that the finances had survived the recession and from next month salaries will return to their previous level AND staff will receive all lost monies back in full.
No thanks to Gordon or Alistair. It was Drury’s law at work.
The Holy Grail of Enterprise Britain…the energies (ex-sex) of our people.
We can be proud of that.