Where did you go wrong…..?

As you flog yourself to death trying to run an enterprising business in today’s patronising, officious and threatening environment, you might be forgiven for opening a bottle of wine or scotch and mulling over life’s challenges.

All you really want to do is to pay your bills, pay your staff and give your family a decent life.

BUT my friends in Enterprising Britain you made a mistake… a tragic error of judgement.

You did not enrol on a course run by the National Enterprise Academy (“NEA”).

It is not too late. They are accepting applications for the start of term on 1 September 2009 in Manchester.

Lesson One Pupils: You must always show you are on the ball. Keep your website up-to-date.

The NEA is the brainchild of the ubiquitous Peter Jones CBE. He of ‘Dragon’s Den’. In case you are not sure about who is he (although he will be devastated if he is not as famous as David Beckham) his photograph is on virtually every page of the NEA website. This assumes the site is up-to-date, which it isn’t. He might have defected and decided to become an MP or Simon Cowell’s butler.

The NEA offers 16 – 19 year olds courses on enterprise and entrepreneurship although they don’t have to spell these words to gain entry. Four D-G GCSEs get you in.

They are glorified business studies exercises.

Of course the NEA is on Twitter and Facebook. Must look modern mustn’t we!

To make matters worse the NEA is backed by Gordon Brown. Now there is somebody who knows something about enterprise.

The Government have committed £8m.

Well done Mr. Jones. Your swelling wealth is a testimony to your own enterprise. The difficulty is that people like you develop egos…elephantine self opinions.

No problems there but it does not give you the right to tell everybody else how to run their lives.

The political parties are currently focusing on winning votes at the next general election.

I suggest ‘Ban Peter Jones from anything to do with enterprise’. There are four million Enterprise Britain votes at stake.

Oh, and close the NEA. That will save £8m or the bit Mr. Jones has not spent.

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