“Nurse, quick, bring the bedpan….”

Tony Drury is ill. There is some uncertainty as to his symptoms. However the following was received at Enterprise Britain in a plain, brown envelope.

“NOTES of a consultation between Doctor Ivor Riches and Mr. A. C Drury.

Doctor: “Mr. Drury, please, stop snivelling and pull yourself together”

Mr. Drury (“TCD”): “I’m sorry. I can’t help myself.”

Doctor: “Now, what’s the…excuse me. I must take this call…….right, let me know. Sorry Mr. Drury. My stockbroker. He can only get me 11.2% on the latest corporate bonds. After tax that’s…well..it’s a disgrace…seven years training as a doctor and now I am facing a tax rate of 50%…sorry, you were saying….”

TCD: “I am getting the same dream every night Doctor.”

Doctor: “Dreams are quite natural Mr. Drury. It’s the brain’s way of relaxing.”

TCD: “I dream I am a dragon…every night…I wake up sweating.”

Doctor: “A dragon..er..are you hunting something?”

TCD: “No. A Dragon from Dragon’s Den, the TV series.”

Doctor: “ Right. I want to get in on some of those deals. I’ve used up my ISA allowance. My pension is to its maximum…sorry, excuse me if I take this call….by 4.00 o’clock please…sorry Mr. Drury…my accountant. I am not happy with his tax planning. I see hundreds of patients every week and then I am expected to pay a big cheque to the Inland Revenue. You are a Dragon…go on.”

TCD: “I am in the TV studio. Deborah Meaden is on my left. She upset the producer yesterday because her hair appointment over-ran by an hour and she was late. Peter Jones was upset because he had fallen out with his personal trainer. The Producer got cross. He wanted to fix it so that only two of the applicants got the money. Then there was a disagreement because the Producer wanted Duncan Bannatyne to fall out with James Caan and James wanted to fall out with Theo Paphitis.”

Doctor: “Quite a fun dream Mr. Drury. I can’t see what…so sorry, please excuse me…Bonjour Jean….bon…merci….sorry Mr. Drury, My Swiss banker…I’m long on the Euro..a fun dream I was saying…”

TCD: “They keep laughing at me, especially that Deborah…I wanted to be fair to the applicants…I suggested they should have an adviser with them…the Producer went mad…he said the aim of the programme was to make the Dragons look good and that the applicants were the fodder. They had a really good business man who looked capable of taking the Dragons on.. Peter Jones insisted he was chucked out. He said he had his TV image to protect.” One of the Dragons is earning over £100,000.”

Doctor: “How does he live on that?”

TCD; “I’ve not had a good night’s sleep for weeks Doctor.”

Doctor: “While you are here would you like me to check your prostate Mr. Drury”

TCD: “Why?”

Doctor: “I get £7.60 for every prostate test I do”.

TCD: “Is that in the best interests of the patient Doctor?”

Doctor: “Mr. Drury. You really do need help don’t you….”

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