“Mervyn Allister King is deliriously happy….”

There are two Mervyn’s who are cuddling themselves with excitement.

The one is Merv the Swerve, Merv Hughes, the former Australian bully boy and fast bowler. Now a National Selector he is anticipating (with pint in hand) the complete and further humiliation of the English cricket team at the Oval.

The other is Mervyn King, the quietly spoken and academic Governor of the Bank of England. Gov Merv is also hugging himself with glee.

Why? Because on the wall of his office is a calendar for next year. A date is ringed in red. Friday 7 May 2010.

On that morning at around 9.00am, and following a speech by Gordon Brown blaming Labour’s election defeat (aka slaughter) on Tony Blair, Cherrie Blair and Peter Mandelson, Merv will pick up his phone and speak to somebody at the FSA. The conversation will go something like:

“Morning Turner. Up yours. George is in charge now and I am boss of the financial world. Your P45 is in the post”.

Merv will then allow himself a cultured smile. The bankers will double their bonuses. Bob Diamond will buy another ten investment banks across the US.

Lord Turner. He will laugh and together with the thousands of highly paid FSA officials (remember the FSA budget has risen by 40% in recent times to around £140million) rush off to see his lawyer.

Before that Gov Merv will have another ecstatic moment. He will have written a letter to the Chancellor of the Exchequer. “Dear Al, up yours as well. You are history. Thanks for humiliating me. I am required to tell you that inflation is well below 2% meaning I have to write you a letter. In case you haven’t noticed GDP is 6% below its peak. Anyway George is on his way and within two years he will ensure we have rampant inflation again.”

Like me I am sure members of Enterprise Britain find the inflation figures baffling. Everything I do is costing more: house rates are up, energy prices continue to soar, diesel locally is 108p, food costs are up, my business trip to Paris cost 22% more, the interest charge on my credit card seems to go up every month. Apart from mortgage rates what is costing less?

It is possible to surmise that the world has gone mad.

Please leave a comment - we all like them