A hastily convened meeting of the Enterprise Britain Disciplinary Committee, under the distinguished Chairmanship of Ulysses Rhodes Afelon QC, has found a member of the Enterprise Britain team guilty of libel and irresponsible blogging. The defendant, in a two hours hearing, was put on EB probation and warned as to his future behaviour.
What follows is the full version of the Committee’s findings:
“Following the publication of the weekly blog on 14 October 2009 the Committee received an unprecedented number of complaints. The offending article was titled ‘Enterprise Britain is up for sale’ and included defamatory comments about the Party Political Conferences and suggested there was no mention of enterprising businesses.
Complainants included Samantha from West Oxfordshire (who shops at Marks and Spencer and hopes to be moving to London next year), nine Old Etonians and the Editor of ‘The Sun’ newspaper.
Prosecuting, Miss Ira Fyne QC, read extracts from the brilliant speech by the Conservative leader David Cameron:
‘If you start your own business we’ll be right behind you’
‘I see a country with entrepreneurs everywhere, bringing their ideas to life, and life to our great towns and cities. I see a country where it is not just about the quantity of money, but the quality of life, where we lead the world in saving our planet’
The first witness, known only as ‘George’ for security reasons, said he had talked about deregulation, and a national insurance holiday for new enterprises’
When asked about whether this would add to the national debt the Chairman told the accused to stop being a cleverclogs.
The defendant, Tony Drury, then asked George if he had discussed with the banks Mr. Cameron’s vision. George admitted that most bank leaders were in the Bahamas on a tax planning forum.
In his plea for mercy Mr. Drury said that Gordon Brown had talked about Enterprise Britain for twelve years and the degree of scepticism amongst owners and managers was greater than ever before. He felt Mr. Cameron was sincere but had little understanding of Enterprise Britain.
Summing up Miss Ira Fyne said that Mr. Drury disgusted her and described him as a publicity mad , second division, b-rated blogger.
The defendant was found guilty, put on EB probation and severely reprimanded.”
A bonus point if you worked out the hilarious joke at the start:
‘Ulysses Rhodes Afelon’
U R A Felon.
Perhaps I am a second division, b-rated blogger!